Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
