I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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