this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
