Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
