They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
