At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
