Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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