I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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