No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
