If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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