I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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