I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
