I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
