Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
