im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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