Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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