Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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