Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
