she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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