i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Randomize
