Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
