if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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