I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
