he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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