Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
