Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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