The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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