i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
