I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
