Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
