Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
