the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
