"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
