You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
