now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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