I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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