38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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