My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
