ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
