I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
