Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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