I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
