so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
