i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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