so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
