Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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