I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
