I only kidnapped one of them. chill
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
