erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
whose ass print is on the piano?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
