a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
