I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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