did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
