Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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