Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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