this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
