What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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